During a time when nearly everything private goes public on social media, acts of “quiet kindness” can feel rare. According to kindness researchers, Binfet and Enns, quiet kindness refers to a form of kindness where the recipient may not know who initiated the kind act and there is little to no external reinforcement. In other words, there is no announcing of or congratulations on the action.
From reading a 2018 study of 3000 middle and elementary school-aged children and their acts of kindness (Binfet & Enns), I realized that quiet kindness is NOT at all rare. In fact, you probably do it multiple times during your waking hours and don’t know it.
Here’s what I mean.
Defining Kindness
First, let’s look at the basic definition of kindness through a child’s lens instead of an adult’s interpretation. According to Binfet and Enns, simply and eloquently put, kindness is “an act of emotional or physical support that helps build or maintain relationships with others” (2018, p. 32).
What Happens to It?
As a child develops into a more mature person, the actions and intentions behind kindness can get more complex—and practiced. What we once noticed becomes more second nature, routine, and automatic. We may not even see that we are doing kind actions.
For example, elementary and middle school children specifically named, for example, the following as acts of kindness they personally did:
- Paying attention to/listening to their teacher.
- Forgiving others.
- Greeting a new kid at school, so they felt welcomed.
- Removing straws from juice boxes before tossing into the recycling bin.
Let’s look at just these youthful examples. As adults, we have had a lot of practice at paying attention to authorities. We have had lots of opportunities to forgive hurts. There are actions we have learned to do just because they feel “right” to do.
But what makes something the right thing to do? Through the eyes of the kid in us, it’s easy to see what it is: kindness.
Forms of Kindness
According to the researchers, here are ten categories that adolescents identified as kind acts: emotional support, helping, generosity, positive sociality, honesty, forgiveness, complimenting, proactive support, formal kindness, and social inclusion (Binfet & Enns, 2018). Think about grown-up categories of kind acts, too. For example, what supports advocacy? Kindness. Listening to someone when you maybe have other things to do? Kindness. Holding your tongue? Kindness.
In Conclusion
I’ll bet you are wayyyyy kinder than you think you are. You just don’t take note of it like you did when you were a kid.
Quiet kindness seems to become so second nature as we mature, we don’t realize we are doing it (and we don’t think about posting it either)! Yet we are doing it–often.
Note: The sentiments in this blog were definitely not the main points of the research by Binfet and Enn. This blog is what the research inspired for me. Should you wish to read their manuscript, “Quiet Kindness in School: Socially and Emotionally Sophisticated Kindness Flying Beneath the Radar of Parents and Educators,” the full reference and a link to access the full article is provided below.
Binfet, J-T., & Enns, C. (2018). Quiet kindness in school: Socially and emotionally sophisticated kindness flying beneath the radar of parents and educators. Journal of Childhood Studies, 43(2). DOI: 10.18357/jcs.v43i2.18576
To read the full study, click here: https://journals.uvic.ca/index.php/jcs/article/view/18576/7908
