So you’ve tried magnesium, “improving” your diet, therapy, and even meds, but nothing works. So frustrating! I “get” it.
Are you willing to look at this from a potentially different point of view? If yes, please read on.
Bravo for having attempted so many methods! That tells me you must have the qualities of persistence and resourcefulness in spades! And I know that it sucks when we try stuff that seems to work for others, but nothing seems to work. I get it. I may be a therapist, but I’m “human.” I have two steps for you that can possibly make a real difference.
How do you feel/What do you think?
How do you feel about your anxiety? For those who don’t connect with “feeling-talk, what do you think about your anxiousness/worry/fear?
Commonly, I hear negatives. “It makes me weird.” “It’s uncomfortable.” “I’m ashamed of it.” “It’s so burdensome.” “It’s exhausting.” “I want it gone!”
Let’s really look at a likely function anxiety—your anxiety.
- What’s it doing FOR you?
- What are some of the benefits of having anxiety?
Did you just react with, “There’s no benefit” or call B.S. on me? I’m inviting you to push past that reaction and look at something really important here. Explore the following…
Your anxiety is alerting you to potential danger, right? So instead of being so mean to it and trying to banish it, casting it away, can you please thank it for getting your attention? I mean, if a random stranger honked and screamed, “Hey, danger might be around the corner. I hear the road might be washed out after the left turn,” we’d probably thank them.
You are needed, so is (all or some of) your anxiety
I think people with anxiety are NEEDED in the world. You see what many others blow past. You tend to be thoughtful about things that can potentially offer risk or harm. You often can see layers and considerations underneath what’s on top or visible.
If I was trying to survive on a deserted island, I’d want someone with me who has anxiety so that we could figure out how to prevent danger before it’s upon us. Let’s say we’re super hungry, and I see berries. I impulsively grab them and am about to toss them in my mouth. Worried and wondering if that’s safe, you stop me. I get mad at you, I call you names: “Anxious Party Pooper” and blah blah blah. Later, we discover you saved my life because your anxiety told you to wonder about those berries. OR later, we discover they were safe the whole time. Either is possible, but without your anxiety, I would have just tossed them berries into my gut.
For now, try not to judge if the anxiety is in proportion to the actual potential danger. Just be thankful you can see things in ways and details that so many don’t/won’t. I could not say this out the gate as it wouldn’t have made sense, but this was step one: learning to see and be thankful for the gifts of anxiety.
In proportion to actual danger/risk?
Step two is looking at if it’s in proportion to ACTUAL danger or risk. This is where you may need to practice gathering data to either support your worry or contradict it. Test your anxie-pothesis (anxiety + hypothesis, a made-up word).
Try becoming an anxiety scientist and researcher about the focus of your worry (e.g., plane crash, fear of failure, etc.). A Google search can often help, or another human may need to support you with the data collection—just get your data. Why? Because you’ll probably be able to better deal with the anxiety once you determine if it’s in proportion to actual risk or not.
You’re not done yet.
Breathe in the data. Let it settle in your body. Try to feel it not only in your brain but deep in your belly because sometimes the brain and the body don’t connect—especially when anxiety is present.
PLEASE DON’T JUDGE if you notice that your anxiety “over” reacts for you. Again, thank it for keeping you on your toes. Let it be with you. You can learn to manage it, but not if you are mad at it and trying to make it vanish.
Conclusion
It’s a part of you, and it’ll probably be less powerful if you can stop giving it so much power by judging it or spending energy wishing it away. You are not your anxiety; your anxiety is simply an ingredient in and of you. Search for how it serves and helps you.
After that, there are still more options. Talk to a professional, and if they don’t help, talk to another. Keep going…
