I submitted a response for an article about “What to do when someone doesn’t care about your feelings.” I didn’t get picked, but I believe in my answer. So I’m sharing it here.
You/me/we can’t mind-read that someone “doesn’t care” about your feelings, but you can assuredly attest to this: It feels that someone doesn’t care about your feelings. If they are close with you, that can be such a painful experience.
When this sticky, tricky situation arises, think about that person realistically. Is this a one time instance or a repeated pattern? Handle accordingly, but maybe give some grace, too. Whether it’s due to their experiences, personality constructs, or both, some people have tremendous limits. They may view this event or most events and decisions through a filter of “How does this affect me?”—which is different than actively or maliciously “not caring” about your feelings.
Seeing the person as “not caring” about your feelings makes them seem bad or evil. In reality, they are probably doing their best in life. They might be self-focused. They might even not know how to feel for others. Or, maybe their feelings, fears, and safety come first–before they can consider yours?
In the end, try not to mind-read what others think or feel about you–unless you are a professional mind-reader or psychic, that is. If someone feels unsupportive of or insensitive to you, maybe start with a conversation about what you notice and how it affects you (e.g., “I notice X, and I feel sad because I want to feel close with you”). Just keep in mind, the person is probably not evil, bad, or actively trying to harm you. They may be unaware and have the capacity to become more aware. Or, they may be limited in how much or little they can change to help you to feel more cared for, heard, or seen. Either way, your grace and curiosity might help explore if this relationship can feel better for you.
This short blog was my random thoughts about people you are in relationship with seeming they “don’t care” about your feelings.
